Marriage

Fighting Fair
This material appears courtesy of Covenant Keepers

You are unfair when you fail to do what you require of your mate.
Many times people have confessed to me what goes though their minds when issues are not being resolved in their relationships. They think to themselves, If he (or she) is not going to be loving or giving, then I won't either. Can't you see how completely unfair you are in assuming this posture? You are doing exactly what you are condemning in your spouse.

How should you respond when your spouse doesn't behave correctly? Paul declares, "Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you" (Eph. 4:31-32). Notice the sinful reactions listed here. Be assured, behaving in this manner is not how God desires you to respond. He intends you to behave in a manner that is directly opposite. He wants you to be kind and tenderhearted. In other words, you must do what you want your spouse to do toward you. This is the point of the Golden Rule: "Whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them" (Matt. 7:12). In addition this is what it means to "overcome evil with good" (Rom. 12:21). Are you doing this?

It's ludicrous for you to demand that your spouse be loving, sensitive, and romantic when you are harsh and condemning. Can't you realize the contradiction of this expectation? The most important word in Ephesians 4:32 is the word Be. You must focus your attention on being the person God wants you to become. Be kind. Be tender. Be forgiving. This kind of behavior will always give you the spirit of fairness necessary to go through the hard times. However, attaining these qualities does not mean that you can't speak to your mate about his or her deficiencies, it merely gives you instruction about the correct heart attitude necessary to be successful when you speak.

• How do we define what is fair?
  
• You are unfair when you are dishonest
  
• You are unfair when you hold on to things from the past
  
• You are unfair when you personally attack your spouse
  
• You are unfair when you fail to respond equally

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