Marriage

Fighting Fair
This material appears courtesy of Covenant Keepers

That evening her husband comes home and walks in the door to find the house a total mess. He also gets angry and begins to store-up his resentment in his emotional stuff sack. He then greets his wife who is still in her bathrobe and has not even brushed her hair from the morning. He fumes inside because he has asked her to take better care of herself with little response. All of a sudden there is a scream from the kitchen. Dinner has burned because she was too busy watching a talk show on television. The wife sees her husband's disgust at the whole situation and she explodes like a volcano. He then responds in like manner. After a few days of tension and coldness, the angry conflict seems to be forgotten, but it is still unresolved. However, the following week the same thing happens all over again. This time there are different circumstances but with the same result. Does this sound familiar? Have you had similar situations occur in your home?

What should you do instead? Deal with each issue as soon as possible. Scripture teaches us that we should keep a very short account of the offenses that occur in our relationships. Paul expressly taught, "Do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil" (Eph. 4:26-27). In other words, take care of the conflicts before each day ends. If you don't, you are opening the door to the devil and inviting him to have a grand opportunity in your marriage. Disobeying this command means that conflicts will always become worse, not better. All you are doing is storing your resentment up for a bigger explosion down the road. Don't hold your resentments and then unload them all at once on your spouse. That's unfair.

Here is a simple plan for the next conflict you encounter. When you sense yourself becoming bitter inside, begin by asking God to forgive you for any hatred or resentment (Mark 11:25-26). Remember, don't harbor the bitterness! This is where all the problems begin. Then choose to forgive your mate from your heart, which will then enable you to be ready to grant forgiveness when your mate acknowledges his or her offense. Next, seek the infilling of God's Holy Spirit that you might have a controlled attitude as you go to your spouse and calmly explain how he or she has sinned against you (Gal. 5:16-17). Last, don't be dishonest. God loves "truthful" lips (Prov. 12:19).

• How do we define what is fair?
  
• You are unfair when you are dishonest
  
• You are unfair when you personally attack your spouse
  
• You are unfair when you fail to do what you require of your mate
  
• You are unfair when you fail to respond equally

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