Marriage

Fighting Fair
This material appears courtesy of Covenant Keepers

This title may stir up questions in some of your minds. Does this writer assume that Christian couples fight? Is he resigning himself to the fact that we will fight? Does he think that we aren’t fair when we fight? The answer is yes to all of the above questions. This is exactly what I think happens in most Christian marriages today. Let’s be absolutely honest with one another. You and I both know that every married couple fights at some time in their relationship. Some of you fight more than others, and I am sure that sometimes you aren’t fair with your spouse. My conviction concerning this kind of behavior originates from what the Bible teaches about man. Paul declared the fact that there is no temptation that is not "common to man" (1 Cor. 10:13). In other words, we are all very much alike and have similar trials and temptations. In addition, we are all sinners by nature, and therefore, are not always loving or fair toward one another.

I am also convinced that at times we don’t treat each other fairly. In counseling I will quite often hear one partner declare, "That’s not fair!" when the details of a conflict are brought up. Have you ever said these words to your partner in the midst of a disagreement? Sure you have. Each of us has an innate sense of what is fair and what is not. Consequently, if you are unfair with your mate during an argument, nothing will be resolved. Your spouse will only focus on how unfairly he or she is being treated and will lose sight of the initial conflict.

However, let me add a word of encouragement here. Experiencing conflict does not mean the end of your marriage. You must see conflict as an opportunity for change and growth within your relationship. The only time conflicts will become detrimental is when you are unfair with one another and you fail to resolve the issue you are fighting over. Remember, all trials are working God’s perfect work in your life if you will only submit yourself to God and allow Him to change you (James 1:4).

• How do we define what is fair?
  
• You are unfair when you are dishonest
  
• You are unfair when you hold on to things from the past
  
• You are unfair when you personally attack your spouse
  
• You are unfair when you fail to do what you require of your mate
  
• You are unfair when you fail to respond equally

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